Remembering a Childhood Friend.

Sisi

As you get older your dreams become lesser and you simply regurgitate the old ones. Everything that you see today brings back memory of bygone days.

It happened yesterday morning while driving to the office.  My mind was gloomy, something that happened the day before was looming heavy over my mind.

A van full of school kids came and stopped by my side at the traffic signal. A pretty little girl popped her head thru the window and made faces at me. I tried but couldn’t smile back. As the signal became green the van shifted into gear.

Looking back she  blew me a kiss and shouted -

Smile”!   

The cloud of gloom vanished from my mind. The van slowly disappeared in to the traffic.

The sweet face of the kid stayed in my mind for long and reminded me of a childhood companion.
I do not know where she is today; priorities of life have torn our link completely.

I was about ten when Sisi and her family came to stay in our neighborhood. She must have been younger to me by few years.

Sisi was the most beautiful thing on earth I had ever seen.

A few strands of her silky black hair shining in a golden hue were always wafting over her eyes. Twisting her lips she would try to blow them away. Then with a swipe of her hand she would through them back.  Every move she made was precise and as if rehearsed, perfect in every way.  I felt myself like a sloppy Klutz compared to her.

Though we were best of friends we were lot different in nature. Sisi was like a doll and I looked like a scarecrow.  I was awed by the way she talked. She always knew more than me. Every poem I struggled to remember she recited effortlessly.

But in spite of this we two were inseparable friends.   
We spent our time sitting by the pond throwing stones into the water, competing who could make a better plunking sound, or throwing the stones at a slant making it bounce over the water again and again.

We had an abandoned ONGC oil rig next to our neighborhood. To us kids that became our regular playing ground.  A large iron girder was left horizontally resting on a high plank and the terrace of the unused office building forming a bridge over the two. All the kids walked across the beam balancing like trapeze walkers. This became a regular activity.

I never had the courage to climb and walk along this beam and always stayed down. Every time this happened Sisi would very painfully look at me. I understood the look in her eyes.I knew what Sisi was thinking and I also knew I had to do this in spite of my fear of heights.

My legs were heavy but I dragged myself to the spiral staircase reaching up the plank.  As I reached the top certain cold chill came up my spine.  I forced myself and began to walk across the beam trying not to look down. Just before reaching the end I froze completely, my head began to spin.

I do not remember anything except for Sisi’s voice urging me to move forward. I could not move. I was losing my balance.

I woke up and opened my eyes in our house, with my hand bruised and sprained and a large bandage around my head.  All the kids were in the room and Sisi sitting on my bed holding my hand.

She pressed my hand and smiled. I looked at her and the only thing that came to my mind was the fear that I fell down not only from that iron beam but also in her eyes.

“I am not a coward Sisi. I will do it again. You are too precious to lose being a coward” I said in a broken voice.

Sisi’s grip loosened. She slowly rose and left the room. I tried to sit up and stop her. A sharp pain across my shoulder held me back immovable.

That moment I knew, Sisi was gone.
I didn’t know what pained me more, my broken and bruised arm or the fact that I spoke  the truth at the wrong time and wrong place.

I wish it was something I could erase or it had a delete button